Becoming a parent is a life-changing experience. The transition into parenthood is filled with joy, but it also comes with challenges that can leave even the most prepared parents feeling overwhelmed. While taking care of a newborn is immensely rewarding, it is also incredibly exhausting. The sleep deprivation, the constant diaper changes, and the mental load can make it hard to ask for help. Many new parents feel self-conscious about reaching out, but learning how to effectively ask for support can be the key to thriving during this new phase of life. Below, we explore ways new parents can and should ask for help, with guidance from communication experts and personal experiences.
Clarify What You Need
At the beginning of parenthood, your mind is probably racing. Between adjusting to sleepless nights and managing endless tasks, it can be difficult to pinpoint exactly what you need. Yet, before you can ask for help, it’s important to get clarity on what you truly need.
Start by taking a moment to reflect. Grab a pen and paper or your favorite note-taking app, and jot down everything that’s on your mind. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, write it all down—no matter how small or large the tasks may seem. Sometimes, just seeing your thoughts written down can help you make sense of them. Dr. Anna Hiatt Nicholaides, a licensed clinical psychologist, suggests that this is the first step toward being able to communicate effectively with others about your needs. Once you’ve identified the primary areas where you need help, organize them by priority. Is it laundry that’s piling up? Is it an extra set of hands for baby care? Or do you need someone to simply cook a meal?
By narrowing down your needs, you can give others a clear idea of how they can help. This removes the guesswork and makes it easier for your loved ones to step in.
Keep Your To-Do List Handy
Once you’ve identified what you need, it’s helpful to have your to-do list available when people offer to assist. Oftentimes, well-meaning visitors will offer to hold your baby or offer moral support, but what you might actually need is someone to tackle a household chore. Keeping a physical list of tasks in a visible place—such as on the fridge or a whiteboard—can provide clear direction for others.
For example, when people visit, they often want to hold your baby or chat. What might actually be more helpful, however, is if they take on the responsibilities that are feeling impossible to get to—like making you a sandwich, doing a load of laundry, or even tackling the dishes. Having a list ready helps guide visitors toward the support you need rather than what they assume might be helpful. This not only saves you time but helps others feel more confident that they are offering the kind of assistance you really want.
Don’t Be Afraid to Follow Up
Asking for help can be difficult, but don’t let hesitation stop you from following up. If someone says they’ll help, but their promise falls through, it can be disheartening. You might feel like a burden for reaching out again, but it’s essential to continue advocating for your needs.
Remember that most people are genuinely happy to help; they just may need a gentle reminder or clearer guidance. If you find that your spouse, friend, or family member has been unresponsive, don’t be afraid to reach out again. Dr. Anna Hiatt Nicholaides encourages persistence: “You deserve to be cared for, especially as you care for your infant.” Just like you would want someone to let you know if you missed a commitment, others want the same opportunity to fulfill their promises.
Reaching out more than once may feel uncomfortable, but it ensures your needs are met and demonstrates that your well-being matters.
Use a Meal Service Template… But Not Just for Meals
Meal delivery services like Meal Train or Take Them a Meal are well-known for coordinating food for families during challenging times. But these services can do so much more than provide dinner—they can be used to organize other types of support as well.
While these platforms are traditionally for meals, many parents use them to schedule visits, childcare, or chores. For example, you can use these templates to create a list of tasks you need help with, such as someone walking the dog, folding laundry, or even offering a few hours of babysitting. These services allow you to express your needs in a clear, organized way, which can be especially useful for communicating things that might feel awkward to say face-to-face.
Be sure to communicate any preferences, such as how long visitors can stay or any dietary restrictions or preferences. This makes it easier for others to help you in a way that is respectful of your space and personal needs.
Experiment with Other Supportive Online Platforms
There’s no shortage of apps and websites designed to help new parents during the chaotic first months after a baby arrives. Using a platform like SignUp Genius can help you coordinate physical help from others. For instance, one parent found it useful to set up a signup sheet for people to come by and hold her babies and give them their bottles, while others might use it to arrange help with cleaning or running errands. This approach allows for more structured, reliable help without feeling like you’re imposing.
Other tools, like Trello, offer a digital solution for organizing to-do lists. Originally designed for work collaboration, Trello can also be adapted to organize household responsibilities, helping both partners keep track of their parenting duties. Similarly, Google Keep or other shared note-taking apps can help you and your partner stay on the same page. These digital platforms create a simple and non-invasive way to communicate your needs with your partner or loved ones, ensuring nothing slips through the cracks.
Choose Someone to Delegate for You
If asking for help directly feels uncomfortable, consider designating someone else to act as your point person. Sometimes, having a friend or family member handle the communication on your behalf can take the pressure off you, especially if you feel self-conscious about reaching out.
For example, one mom recalled how her friend took charge of organizing a Meal Train for her. “My advice would be to go through a good friend or family member that can make things happen so you don’t have to worry about imposing,” she said. This method can work especially well if you have someone in your circle who is known for being organized or assertive. Let them do the heavy lifting of reaching out and coordinating support.
Use Social Media (Wisely)
Social media can be both a blessing and a curse when it comes to seeking help. While it’s great for connecting with other new parents and sharing your experiences, broadcasting your needs for help on public platforms like Instagram or Facebook can sometimes lead to unwanted attention or pressure.
It’s better to reach out individually to friends or family when you need assistance. Social media can provide emotional support or helpful tips from fellow parents, but it may not be the best place to ask for specific, tangible help. For example, a comment like, “I need someone to watch the baby so I can nap” can be interpreted in many different ways, and you may end up feeling more vulnerable rather than supported.
Instead, try reaching out through direct messages or private groups dedicated to parenting support. These can offer a safer and more tailored space for asking for help.
Outsource Your Needs
If you’re struggling to ask loved ones for help, consider outsourcing certain tasks to professionals. Platforms like TaskRabbit allow you to hire people for everyday chores like cleaning, grocery shopping, or even assembling furniture. The benefit of these services is that they take some pressure off you, while also allowing you to receive help from reliable individuals who have been vetted through background checks.
If budget allows, outsourcing tasks like laundry or cleaning can help free up your mental and physical energy for the things that matter most: bonding with your baby and taking care of yourself.
Try a Support Group
Parenting can feel isolating, especially when your support network is limited or strained. If you’re struggling to find understanding in your immediate family or friend circle, joining a parent support group can be a great way to share experiences and gain valuable insights.
Support groups for new parents, whether online or in person, are a safe space where you can ask questions, share challenges, and get advice. These groups often cover specific topics, like breastfeeding, baby sleep issues, or dealing with postpartum depression. For example, one mom attended a La Leche League meeting that led her to connect with a doctor who helped her address her baby’s tongue-tie issue. Support groups not only provide emotional support but can also help you find useful resources or professionals who can guide you through tough parenting moments.
Reach Out to a Professional
While friends and family can offer tremendous support, there are times when the challenges you face require professional assistance. This might include reaching out to a lactation consultant if you’re struggling with breastfeeding or a pediatrician if you have concerns about your baby’s health. Sometimes, professional advice is necessary to address specific issues that go beyond general support.
Therapists, especially those specializing in postpartum mental health, can provide invaluable guidance during challenging moments. If you don’t know where to start, consider asking other new moms in your circle for recommendations or searching resources like Psychology Today to find a mental health professional who suits your needs.
Rely on the Kindness of Strangers
You might find that, in public spaces, people are often more than willing to lend a hand when they see you struggling. Whether it’s holding a door while you juggle your stroller or offering to carry something heavy, don’t hesitate to ask for help when you need it.
The key is to be polite and respectful in your requests. A smile, eye contact, and a simple “Excuse me, could you please open the door for me?” are often enough to receive a kind gesture from a stranger. People like to feel appreciated, so always thank them for their kindness.
Start Having More Frequent Conversations with Your Partner
Lastly, one of the most important ways to get help is by fostering open communication with your partner. The first few weeks and months after a baby arrives are a whirlwind, and it’s essential to keep an open dialogue about what each of you needs.
Choose a time when you both have some free time, and talk honestly about your expectations and feelings. Check in regularly to ensure you’re both feeling supported and have the energy to tackle the tasks at hand. Effective communication with your partner not only ensures that your needs are met but also strengthens your relationship as you navigate the challenges of parenthood together.
Frequently Asked Question
How do I ask for help without feeling like I’m imposing?
It’s natural to feel guilty or awkward about asking for help, but remember that asking for support is part of maintaining your well-being. People want to help, but they may not know what you need unless you clearly communicate it. By being direct and specific about what you need, you make it easier for others to assist without guessing. Start by explaining how much you’re juggling and what would make the biggest difference for you.
What’s the best way to communicate with my partner about needing help?
When discussing your needs with your partner, choose a time when both of you are calm and not overwhelmed. Avoid discussing sensitive topics when you’re both exhausted. Be honest about what you need and what’s been difficult, and invite your partner to share their thoughts as well. Frequent, open communication is key in ensuring you both feel supported and involved.
What if my family and friends don’t offer the help I need?
If your family and friends have not been as helpful as you hoped, don’t be afraid to follow up or expand your circle of support. Reach out to other people in your life, such as co-workers, neighbors, or even professionals. You can also use tools like Meal Train or TaskRabbit to get more targeted help from a larger community. If someone you know said they would help but didn’t follow through, give them a gentle reminder.
Are there any online platforms that can help me coordinate assistance from others?
Yes! There are several platforms designed specifically for organizing help. Websites like Meal Train, Take Them a Meal, and SignUp Genius can coordinate meals, childcare, and other support. These platforms help you communicate your needs in a structured way, so people can sign up to help without the stress of figuring out how or when to assist.
How can I ask for help from strangers or acquaintances?
Sometimes, you might find yourself needing help from a stranger, whether it’s holding a door open or carrying something heavy. Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. A simple smile, eye contact, and a polite request will often be met with kindness. People appreciate when they are acknowledged and feel like they can make a positive difference, so don’t hesitate to ask when you need a hand.
Conclusion
Asking for help as a new parent can be difficult, but it is essential for both your well-being and your baby’s. The transition to parenthood is overwhelming, and there’s no shame in needing assistance. By clearly identifying what you need, communicating openly with loved ones, and utilizing helpful tools and platforms, you can ensure that you’re not going through this journey alone. Whether it’s asking for help from family, friends, professionals, or even strangers, it’s important to remember that seeking support is a sign of strength, not weakness. Building a network of people who can offer practical and emotional support will help you feel more confident, connected, and capable as you navigate the challenges of new parenthood.
